I can text with my tongue
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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