my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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