That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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