ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
