It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
