My pussy is not your playground.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
