I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
