Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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