Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
