we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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