Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
