Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
