ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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