Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
