isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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