all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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