he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
