So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
