OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You made out with two different species that night
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
