Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 607 share tweet
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
