Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
