I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
