Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
