Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
