I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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