he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
