He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
