Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
