When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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