why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
