I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
