You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
