I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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