so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Say something about gay babies.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
