What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
