Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
