Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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