your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
