Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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