I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
