dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
