If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
