Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
