the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
