i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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