Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He passed out mid-signature
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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