You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
