Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
