too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Green mimosas i think yes
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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