He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
