I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
