he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
