Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
