Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
