Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
