i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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