im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You have to summon your inner elephant
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
